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Introduction: Navigating the Mother–Daughter Relationship with Tweens

Sneak Peek Inside Pink Chaos:

Take a deep breath — because this question may hit you right in the middle school feels:

Would you want to go back to seventh grade today?

If you immediately said absolutely not, you’re in good company. As a therapist for girls (and let me be clear: trans girls are girls), every single person who has sat on the pink couch agrees that seventh grade is… a lot. Middle school is dramatic for a reason — for most of us, it was rough.

I can still picture myself in those years. It was the 80s. Perms were everything. And as a girl with stick-straight hair?

I. Wanted. In.

If you’ve ever chemically altered your hair, you know timing is everything. Patsy — my mom’s friend and enthusiastic accomplice — loved to talk. And you already know where this is going.

My hair was fried.

The curls I imagined turned into something closer to crispy French fries. Adorable for lunch, not so adorable on your head. So just imagine tween me, walking into school with crunchy hair, big glasses, and braces. My self-esteem? A sandstorm straight out of Dune.

Sure, hair trends have changed, but how tween girls feel about themselves is still a huge issue today.

Why Tween Girls Lose Confidence So Early

Research shows that self-esteem drops sharply around age nine — fourth and fifth grade — right as girls enter the most challenging phase of Girl World. That early dip creates the perfect storm for anxiety, comparison, and disconnection.

Parents often focus on the difficulties of the high-school years, but the tween stage is where the foundation is built.

A strong mother–daughter relationship during these years can prevent — or significantly reduce — the mental health crises we see in teens today.

Girls between ages 9–12 are experiencing massive shifts:

• Physical changes

• Emotional intensity

• Cognitive growth

• Social pressure

• Increased exposure to social media

• Identity exploration

Many get their first phone between third and fifth grade and suddenly have unlimited access to information, comparison, and content far beyond their developmental age. I meet girls who know more about Dissociative Identity Disorder from TikTok than I did as a 23-year-old with a master’s degree.

They’re also seeking belonging, which means some want the same diagnosis as their friends so they can bond over it. Truthfully, most clients who walk into my office today do meet the criteria for Generalized Anxiety Disorder — and after living through a pandemic, many adults do too.

It’s harder than ever for parents (and therapists!) to decipher what’s “normal tween behavior” and what’s a sign of deeper mental health concerns.

Take a Breath — You Are Not Alone

Yes, this is a lot.

But the goal of Pink Chaos is to give you clarity, compassion, and concrete tools so you can fully support your daughter during one of the most important stages of her life.

You’ve got this. And I’ve got you.

Here’s a downloadable sample from one of our many tools in the book:

The “I-Message” Communication Skill — a simple, powerful way to reduce conflict and increase connection with your daughter.

Not Just for Moms of Tweens

While Pink Chaos focuses on the tween years, it is truly for any caregiver, parent, or adult who wants to transform the mother–daughter relationship from chaos into connection.

If this book has supported you, I would be so grateful if you wrote an Amazon review for Pink Chaos and helped us reach #1 in Parenting Girls.