International Women’s Day 2024 #inspireinclusion
Every spring, as bluebonnets bloom across Austin and paint the highways in vibrant blues and purples, we celebrate a season of beauty and renewal. But for many women, this time of year also brings a familiar wave of emotional and physical overwhelm.
In my therapy office—home of the cozy pink couches—I see more and more women, tweens, and teens struggling with mysterious physical symptoms: headaches, stomach pain, fatigue, insomnia. And most of the time, the question behind the symptoms isn’t medical at all:
What’s going on emotionally that’s making us feel this way physically?
With conversations about women’s health heating up in the news—and many of us feeling like basic rights are being challenged—it’s no surprise that our bodies are responding with stress.
As we mark International Women’s Day and this year’s theme, #InspireInclusion, one suggested action is to help girls and women make informed decisions about their health. And honestly? I’m not feeling very inspired by the current system. At my last doctor’s visit, the first two things they did were weigh me and take my blood pressure. WTF.
And what did I do? Stayed silent—and blamed myself.
This is where the story really begins.
Why Women Get Sick More Often: The Link Between Stress, People-Pleasing, and Health
After a deep dive down the research rabbit hole (yes, it was a wild weekend at my house), the pattern is painfully clear:
Women get sick more often because we silence ourselves and carry the emotional load of everyone around us.
The numbers tell the truth:
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Women make up 80% of autoimmune disease cases
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Women experience higher rates of chronic pain, migraines, and insomnia
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Anxiety and depression disproportionately impact girls and women
These aren’t random trends—they’re symptoms of a culture that rewards women for:
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Being “easygoing”
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Not rocking the boat
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Managing everyone’s mood
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Putting ourselves last
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Staying quiet when something feels wrong
This cycle begins early, long before adulthood.
Self-Silencing: The Habit That Makes Women Sick
Self-silencing is when women suppress thoughts, needs, and emotions to keep the peace.
Society praises it. We celebrate “chill girls,” “easy daughters,” “selfless moms,” and women who “never complain.”
But this praise comes at a high cost.
Gabor Maté, in his groundbreaking book The Myth of Normal, explains how people-pleasing, chronic caregiving, and emotional suppression are major risk factors for both physical and mental illness. The traits society rewards—being agreeable, selfless, responsible, pleasant—can actually undermine women’s health.
His message is loud and clear:
Putting yourself first isn’t selfish. It’s protective.
This is especially important for girls. Nearly half of teen girls report holding back their true thoughts and feelings just to fit in. That kind of emotional bottling isn’t benign—it leads to anxiety, depression, disconnection, and burnout.
It’s time to break the cycle.
Self-Blame: The Other Silent Stressor Hurting Women and Girls
Another harmful pattern? Self-blame.
When something stressful happens, many of us immediately look inward:
“What did I do wrong?”
“Why am I like this?”
“Why can’t I handle it better?”
Self-blame is strongly linked to:
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Depression
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Shame
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Anxiety
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Burnout
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Low self-esteem
And it has a major impact on tween and teen girls, who already feel enormous pressure to be perfect.
If you know a high school senior this year, you understand — senioritis is self-blame and burnout mixed together.
How Do We Break the Pattern? Small Steps Create Big Change
There is no quick fix for self-silencing or self-blame.
And yes—women who speak up about their bodies or their health often get labeled a “Karen” (I know several absolutely lovely Karens, for the record).
But we can start with a few foundational practices.
1. Feelings Check-Ins (The Step Most Women Skip)
Remember when Elmo asked the internet “How is everyone doing?” and the flood of honest answers surprised the world? That moment showed how deeply people crave emotional connection.
Simple emotional check-ins can reduce self-silencing dramatically.
In therapy, we use:
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Happies and Crappies (a favorite in our groups)
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The Rainbow Check-In by an art therapist
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Feelings Charts during individual sessions
I grew up with a therapist mom, so I learned early that “fine” and “I don’t know” are not feelings. Encouraging your daughter—and yourself—to name emotions builds emotional awareness and reduces internal pressure.
2. Acknowledge and Validate Anger
Unresolved anger often disguises itself as:
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Anxiety
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Depression
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OCD
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Eating disorders
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Self-harm
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Shutdown or withdrawal
Helping your daughter (and yourself) express anger safely is a powerful part of healing. Even when it comes out as yelling, crying, or silence, the root emotion deserves validation.
Try saying:
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“It’s okay to feel angry.”
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“I hear you.”
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“That makes sense.”
Emotion-Focused Family Therapy even has a full webinar dedicated to supporting anger.
3. Authenticity Over Niceness
Being “nice” is often code for “don’t make anyone uncomfortable.”
But authenticity builds healthier relationships and prevents burnout.
You can be kind and honest:
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“No, I can’t take that on.”
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“That doesn’t work for me.”
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“I’m overwhelmed and need a break.”
Niceness without boundaries becomes a cage; authenticity creates connection.
Final Thoughts: Your Health Matters. Your Voice Matters.
Women are carrying enormous emotional, physical, and mental loads—and it shows up in our bodies.
When we silence ourselves, blame ourselves, or ignore our needs, our health suffers.
And our daughters are watching.
By modeling emotional expression, authenticity, boundary-setting, and self-compassion, we help the next generation grow up stronger, healthier, and more connected to themselves.
Dive into our EMOTIONS Poster and enjoy a whirlwind of fun with it! Keep an eye out for Bagel, Shayna’s trusty sidekick!
