Announcing Shayna’s Book Pink Chaos

Pink Chaos: A Guide to Navigating the Mother/Daughter Relationship:
Embark on the journey to cultivate the relationship you desire with your daughter today.

INTRODUCTION for Pink Chaos Navigating the Mother Daughter Relationships with Tweens

Here’s a sneak peek :

TAKE A DEEP BREATH, because this question might bring up some serious feels: Would you want to go back to seventh grade today? You’re probably shouting, “No!” And you’re not alone. As a therapist for girls (and I want to be clear here: trans girls are girls), I’m pretty sure everyone who sits on the pink couch in my office and has survived seventh grade would answer the same way. It would be hard not to be dramatic about middle school. For most of us, that time really sucked.

I can’t help picturing myself during that time. It was the 80s, perms were the trend, and as someone with straight hair,

I. Wanted. In. Now if you’ve ever done anything chemical to your hair, you know timing is key. Patsy, my mom’s friend and my willing accomplice on this perm quest, was quite a talker. You might be cringing right now because you already know what happened, but I have to say it anyway-my hair was completely fried.

Those beautiful curly locks I’d imagined were more like crispy French fries. And while I love fries, this was not the moment.

So imagine me walking into school with crispy hair, big glasses, and braces. My self-esteem was a scene from Dune.

Hair trends are different these days, thank goodness, but how tween girls feel about themselves is very much an issue.

Research tells us that self-esteem takes a nosedive around age nine-yes, you read that right. For most girls that’s fourth or fifth grade, right when they’re about to enter their most challenging years. A perfect storm.

Parents often focus a lot of their energy on the challenges of late adolescents. While those years can be difficult, time spent building a strong mother/daughter relationship during the tween years will pay off when the really tough times arrive. I want to be crystal clear about what I mean here: strengthening your relationship with your tween can likely prevent, or at least lessen, the mental health crises that can arise during the teen years.

In their tweens, girls are starting to go through some big changes -physically, emotionally, cognitively, socially, and more. Many girls get their first phone somewhere between third and fifth grade and then spend hours a day on it, which means they’re exposed to a lot more things than many of us were at that age. They think they have all the knowledge they need in the palm of their hand, and they come into my office these days having learned more about serious issues like Dissociative Identity Disorder from TikTok and Instagram than I knew as a twenty-three-year-old with a master’s degree.

They’re also starting to rely on their friends more and are looking for connection points, so they also come in wanting to receive the same diagnosis as their friend so the two can bond over it. The truth is that as of the writing of this book, most clients who walk into my office do meet the criteria for Generalized Anxiety Disorder. In fact, I’m guessing many of us feel we could qualify for this particular diagnosis just from the name, especially after going through a global pandemic in 2020 and 2021.

As parents, and even as a therapist, it can be tough for us to draw a line in the sand between what’s a clinically diagnosed mental illness and what’s just normal for people living in the 2020s.

Now I know that sounds like a lot. It is! But before you freak out, the point of this book is to help you understand what’s going on so you can support your daughter. Take a breath, and now maybe take a deeper one. You’ve got this. And I’ve got you. Here’s download of one of our many tools in the book. 

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