How to Have the Conversation about Sending Nudes
April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, and this blog post addresses a difficult but important topic. At some point in her life, your daughter will likely be asked to send nude photos, also known as “nudes.”
As a practice that focuses on girls, young women, and their loved ones, we frequently hear about the pressure girls face to send nudes and the aftermath of shame and guilt around sending these photos.
Take a deep breath—we’re here to help you navigate the conversation about nudes with your daughter.
First of all you have to put yourself in a daughter’s shoes. No one shares pictures of themselves expecting them to be shared with others. No matter how many times you might have warned them about this, the pressure they face is intense. Girls face a difficult choice: send the nudes and risk losing respect or privacy if the photos are shared, or don’t send them and risk losing the relationship or being made fun of by peers. Neither option feels good.
And there’s no sugar coating this part: You have to start the conversation early that sending nudes is not a good idea. We won’t go into all the legal boring stuff, but know that even on Snapchat, the picture can be screen-shotted and saved in someone’s phone FOREVER!!!
This isn’t an episode of Gossip Girl—this is real life, and once you send someone a nude, you can’t control what will happens to it.
We’ve created a script you can start from, with some examples of things you could say:
Acknowledge that this might feel awkward…for you both!
We need to talk about something that will probably feel cringey for us both, but it’s important. discuss how your feeling and that it might be one of many conversations that involve sex that feel “cringe”.
Directly state that she might be asked to share nudes.
You might already know this, but one day you might have someone ask you to send photos of yourself naked.
Sometimes people ask girls to share naked pictures of themselves over text, Snapchat, or something like that. If you haven’t discuss all the different types of people on social media this might be a good time to discuss the different between virtual and IRL friends or people.
Show that you understand how this might make her feel and the pressure she might face.
Being asked to send nudes doesn’t mean anything about you, and it can also feel weird or uncomfortable. You might not be sure what to do or say. And also if this conversation is happening in teens years, then also reassure no judgement if they have already sent nudes, just your job as a parent is to keep them safe.
Clearly state she should not send these photos, and brainstorm reasons together.
You should not send nude photos of yourself to anyone.
Can you think of some reasons you should not send them?
Prepare her for when she asked.
Talk about what she can do if she’s asked. You can use the script in the next section as inspiration.
If someone asks you to send a nude photo, what might you say to them?
You can come to me if it happens and we can decide what to do together. We might both have some big feelings, but it doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong or I’m upset with you. You’re not alone in this
As one of our wise clients told us, anytime I get a request for a nude I just send a picture of my dog,
So our motto is Send pics of funny dogs, not nudes.
If you or someone you love has sent nudes, read this.
